You are not alone. Thank you for sharing. That spring of 2020 brought the most dismal May I've ever experienced, and that's saying quite a bit because May had always been about light and renewal. Instead, that one was dark, hopeless, and humiliating. Stories of that time need to be told. Something sinister took root beyond the actual virus, and I think many of us are still trying exorcising the deep pain of it. But love and light did prevail. We are here now to share our stories.
Hi Jim! Thank you for your kind words. I truly believe my story is not unique and many can relate to what I experienced. It was a horrible experience and I hope it helped me to anticipate this type of problem and not fall back into it because of anxiety.
In Spain, my country, we say: “bad things happen for a good reason”.
I'm glad you recovered from your fear and anxiety. That was more of a pandemic that COVID and is still with us.
Jeff and I live in a rural neighborhood where everyone lives on an acre lot and a wind blows through the valley every afternoon. We could go outside, wave to neighbors as we drove by, and we even broke the rules by visiting our daughter and her husband. They got married during COVID. The wedding was small, but friendly. In Nevada, mask rules were challenged and many refused to wear them at the wedding. One woman sat right in front of me, her unmasked face inches away. That's where the angst happened for me.
Even when Jeff got to work from home, we both got COVID that July. We quarantined for a month and were tested. Results came back after two weeks, which cast doubts over the medical processes. On the day I emerged from home to go shopping, I got a call from the health department confirming my test results. The caller was horrified when she realized I was talking to her from outside the store. I had quarantined a full month and hadn't any symptoms for two weeks. She didn't know how to handle the situation and referred me to her supervisor, who realized I used reasonable caution.
Meanwhile, going to the store was a nightmare. Aisles were in alternate directions. People were on edge when I even came near. Some people were angry and vocal at those who wore masks. And of course there was the Great Toilet Paper Raid.
A guy cutting pizzas fresh out of the oven at the take-out place wore his mask under his chin. I wanted to video him and report him to the health department, but then I felt like a 1984 Big Brother stooge. A group of elderly folks sitting outside at a coffee place were told by a police officer they were disobeying COVID distancing guidelines and must leave. Then people got masks expressing their individuality. A gay clerk at the store wore a gorgeous sequined mask that Jeff complimented him on. My mask had a Dia de Los Muertos motif and sparked smiles wherever I went. A group of knitters I hang out with met in the park instead of at the store, which had to close. We were able to support the store by buying online. Other stores managed to offer "essential products" to still do business. Only a few places actually went out of business. it was remarkable how resourceful people could be to survive the madness.
Vaccinations became a battle between freedom vs. wellness. Trump was sending mixed messages and MAGA tension was growing. Jeff's boss threatened that anybody who didn't get the vax would be fired. A friend of ours died of cancer because he refused the vaccine and his doctor refused to see him. It took over a year for things to settle back to some kind of normalcy. It seems like a bad dream now, but in America, the nightmare continues. It's just taking on a new kind of madness. We live in interesting times, Alvaro.
Your experiences at the time of COVID really impressed me. I have identified with some of them, I saw things similar to what you saw here in Spain. Unfortunately, I don't live in a rural area like yours, I live in a small but compact and densely populated town. It has few inhabitants but we lived so close that it felt like a city. That made my only alternative when the rules were relaxed was to flee from my village to the surrounding countryside with my bike. That was my first big step away from anxiety.
You say it Sue, we live in interesting times, hopefully it will all get better.
I'm wondering now if our COVID experiences were a test and preparation for the world chaos that appears to be developing. I need to learn to simply ignore the big picture because I feel impotent to change anything about it. I can only control or affect what's directly in my sphere of influence. That's all we can really do. Keep ourselves and our immediate loved ones sane and as safe as possible. Fleeing into the country on your bike was the best thing possible. Refreshing your lungs with clean air and stimulating your body with exercise. That reminds me of a summer when I was laid off from a job while living with my parents. I rode my bike every day rather than look for work. I was majorly bummed and that time in my own space outside helped re-energize my will to return to work.
Wow Sue, this is a very old philosophical concept. Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and other Stoic philosophers believed that the essential thing was to focus on the things that are under our control. All other things we can only accept and mitigate the influence they exert on us.
In my country the government initially took an approach to eliminate the virus and we had social distancing rules and mandatory isolation if sick, and it worked, minimising illness and death. Most people were quite relaxed because they were free to carry on an almost normal life.
However, some people got infected with social media disinformation and railed against vaccination and any restrictions leading to some populist politicians grasping an opportunity to gain power. So we moved from a left of centre government with an agenda of inclusion and kindness, to an incompetent and destructive neoliberal regime. That's when the anxiety really started. Support for American politics, denial of a crisis with planetary boundaries and climate change and conflicts elsewhere have stoked the fire.
Hannah Arendt, in her analysis of totalitarianism, highlighted how figures like Heinrich Himmler exploited human desires for stability and security to advance the Nazi regime's horrific agenda, and we now see the same drift towards totalitarianism with the US election and elsewhere.
A bit of anxiety is quite understandable, the response not so much.
In Spain social distancing and other measures were also taken and although they helped to alleviate the situation, they were not a perfect solution either. In fact, it simply kept the number of cases from skyrocketing, however, there were still cases.
The brutal spike in cases came just after, when the restrictions were relaxed and the majority of the population took it as if there were no prevention measures. It was not as exaggerated as in the U.S., but something similar happened on a smaller scale.
Hopefully things will get better in the US and the future will not be so bleak.
So many people are still in denial about the fascist regime that has taken hold of American politics now. People are scared to death and wondering how they can lay low and still function. All of us are in for an unprecedented ride down a long, bumpy hill.
Mine started almost 3 years to the day before our first lockdown, but I didn't know that yet. It was not the world per se that was unraveling, it was the world that I created that had started to fray at the seams. Then COVID hit and I hit a solid wall of reality - a reality that I had competently and efficiently up to that point distracted myself from in my busyness. I was forced to stop and the inevitable happened - I had to face all that I was running from for so long. This marked the beginning of my dark night of the soul.
It feels like it has been a brutal 4 years since COVID hit. The illusion of certainty I once had disappeared like a mirage, and yet the clarity of my reality came into full focus. I now understand more than I did, and in that greater understanding realise that I know nothing at all - a tad socratic I guess.
"Amore Fati"
COVID lockdown brought with it many lessons. Lessons that I had unconsciously tried to escape from - lessons that I had managed to outpace but no escape. The world paused, I paused and all that I had outpaced finally caught up with me. Depression and anxiety are like applying the accelerator and brakes simultaneously and at times I felt and still feel like I am spinning out in place - leaving smoke and tracks. My new normal feels different. I am not yet in a place where I can say "normalcy" has returned because I don't know what that means and therefore being able to recognise if I am in it. I do know that today is Sunday and tomorrow is Monday and so I prepare for the week ahead. I guess normal for me is anchoring myself in these unchangeable facts.
Hi Shy! Thank you for sharing your story here. I think many of us can relate to your words, the COVID tested us. I experienced something similar, as you have seen. That you overcame that big obstacle, although with doubts, a lot of time and effort, makes it clear that you are a resilient person.
You are not alone. Thank you for sharing. That spring of 2020 brought the most dismal May I've ever experienced, and that's saying quite a bit because May had always been about light and renewal. Instead, that one was dark, hopeless, and humiliating. Stories of that time need to be told. Something sinister took root beyond the actual virus, and I think many of us are still trying exorcising the deep pain of it. But love and light did prevail. We are here now to share our stories.
Hi Jim! Thank you for your kind words. I truly believe my story is not unique and many can relate to what I experienced. It was a horrible experience and I hope it helped me to anticipate this type of problem and not fall back into it because of anxiety.
In Spain, my country, we say: “bad things happen for a good reason”.
I'm glad you recovered from your fear and anxiety. That was more of a pandemic that COVID and is still with us.
Jeff and I live in a rural neighborhood where everyone lives on an acre lot and a wind blows through the valley every afternoon. We could go outside, wave to neighbors as we drove by, and we even broke the rules by visiting our daughter and her husband. They got married during COVID. The wedding was small, but friendly. In Nevada, mask rules were challenged and many refused to wear them at the wedding. One woman sat right in front of me, her unmasked face inches away. That's where the angst happened for me.
Even when Jeff got to work from home, we both got COVID that July. We quarantined for a month and were tested. Results came back after two weeks, which cast doubts over the medical processes. On the day I emerged from home to go shopping, I got a call from the health department confirming my test results. The caller was horrified when she realized I was talking to her from outside the store. I had quarantined a full month and hadn't any symptoms for two weeks. She didn't know how to handle the situation and referred me to her supervisor, who realized I used reasonable caution.
Meanwhile, going to the store was a nightmare. Aisles were in alternate directions. People were on edge when I even came near. Some people were angry and vocal at those who wore masks. And of course there was the Great Toilet Paper Raid.
A guy cutting pizzas fresh out of the oven at the take-out place wore his mask under his chin. I wanted to video him and report him to the health department, but then I felt like a 1984 Big Brother stooge. A group of elderly folks sitting outside at a coffee place were told by a police officer they were disobeying COVID distancing guidelines and must leave. Then people got masks expressing their individuality. A gay clerk at the store wore a gorgeous sequined mask that Jeff complimented him on. My mask had a Dia de Los Muertos motif and sparked smiles wherever I went. A group of knitters I hang out with met in the park instead of at the store, which had to close. We were able to support the store by buying online. Other stores managed to offer "essential products" to still do business. Only a few places actually went out of business. it was remarkable how resourceful people could be to survive the madness.
Vaccinations became a battle between freedom vs. wellness. Trump was sending mixed messages and MAGA tension was growing. Jeff's boss threatened that anybody who didn't get the vax would be fired. A friend of ours died of cancer because he refused the vaccine and his doctor refused to see him. It took over a year for things to settle back to some kind of normalcy. It seems like a bad dream now, but in America, the nightmare continues. It's just taking on a new kind of madness. We live in interesting times, Alvaro.
Your experiences at the time of COVID really impressed me. I have identified with some of them, I saw things similar to what you saw here in Spain. Unfortunately, I don't live in a rural area like yours, I live in a small but compact and densely populated town. It has few inhabitants but we lived so close that it felt like a city. That made my only alternative when the rules were relaxed was to flee from my village to the surrounding countryside with my bike. That was my first big step away from anxiety.
You say it Sue, we live in interesting times, hopefully it will all get better.
I'm wondering now if our COVID experiences were a test and preparation for the world chaos that appears to be developing. I need to learn to simply ignore the big picture because I feel impotent to change anything about it. I can only control or affect what's directly in my sphere of influence. That's all we can really do. Keep ourselves and our immediate loved ones sane and as safe as possible. Fleeing into the country on your bike was the best thing possible. Refreshing your lungs with clean air and stimulating your body with exercise. That reminds me of a summer when I was laid off from a job while living with my parents. I rode my bike every day rather than look for work. I was majorly bummed and that time in my own space outside helped re-energize my will to return to work.
Wow Sue, this is a very old philosophical concept. Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and other Stoic philosophers believed that the essential thing was to focus on the things that are under our control. All other things we can only accept and mitigate the influence they exert on us.
Thank you for sharing Alvaro.
In my country the government initially took an approach to eliminate the virus and we had social distancing rules and mandatory isolation if sick, and it worked, minimising illness and death. Most people were quite relaxed because they were free to carry on an almost normal life.
However, some people got infected with social media disinformation and railed against vaccination and any restrictions leading to some populist politicians grasping an opportunity to gain power. So we moved from a left of centre government with an agenda of inclusion and kindness, to an incompetent and destructive neoliberal regime. That's when the anxiety really started. Support for American politics, denial of a crisis with planetary boundaries and climate change and conflicts elsewhere have stoked the fire.
Hannah Arendt, in her analysis of totalitarianism, highlighted how figures like Heinrich Himmler exploited human desires for stability and security to advance the Nazi regime's horrific agenda, and we now see the same drift towards totalitarianism with the US election and elsewhere.
A bit of anxiety is quite understandable, the response not so much.
Hi Alan!
In Spain social distancing and other measures were also taken and although they helped to alleviate the situation, they were not a perfect solution either. In fact, it simply kept the number of cases from skyrocketing, however, there were still cases.
The brutal spike in cases came just after, when the restrictions were relaxed and the majority of the population took it as if there were no prevention measures. It was not as exaggerated as in the U.S., but something similar happened on a smaller scale.
Hopefully things will get better in the US and the future will not be so bleak.
So many people are still in denial about the fascist regime that has taken hold of American politics now. People are scared to death and wondering how they can lay low and still function. All of us are in for an unprecedented ride down a long, bumpy hill.
"The Crumbling"
Mine started almost 3 years to the day before our first lockdown, but I didn't know that yet. It was not the world per se that was unraveling, it was the world that I created that had started to fray at the seams. Then COVID hit and I hit a solid wall of reality - a reality that I had competently and efficiently up to that point distracted myself from in my busyness. I was forced to stop and the inevitable happened - I had to face all that I was running from for so long. This marked the beginning of my dark night of the soul.
It feels like it has been a brutal 4 years since COVID hit. The illusion of certainty I once had disappeared like a mirage, and yet the clarity of my reality came into full focus. I now understand more than I did, and in that greater understanding realise that I know nothing at all - a tad socratic I guess.
"Amore Fati"
COVID lockdown brought with it many lessons. Lessons that I had unconsciously tried to escape from - lessons that I had managed to outpace but no escape. The world paused, I paused and all that I had outpaced finally caught up with me. Depression and anxiety are like applying the accelerator and brakes simultaneously and at times I felt and still feel like I am spinning out in place - leaving smoke and tracks. My new normal feels different. I am not yet in a place where I can say "normalcy" has returned because I don't know what that means and therefore being able to recognise if I am in it. I do know that today is Sunday and tomorrow is Monday and so I prepare for the week ahead. I guess normal for me is anchoring myself in these unchangeable facts.
Love your article 🫶🏾
Hi Shy! Thank you for sharing your story here. I think many of us can relate to your words, the COVID tested us. I experienced something similar, as you have seen. That you overcame that big obstacle, although with doubts, a lot of time and effort, makes it clear that you are a resilient person.
Take care 🫶🏾