Objects don't bring happiness
The problem of seeking happiness in the wrong place
🏷️ Categories: Happiness
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up.
~ Mark Twain, 1935
Hey, how's it going? I hope you're doing well.
I've recently been planning a camping trip with some friends to a nearby forest. The place is part of a natural park; there are beautiful viewpoints, a great variety of flora and fauna, and an incomparable sense of purity in the air. I was there some time ago, and seeing the constellations while warming ourselves by a campfire at midnight was an unforgettable experience that is truly priceless. This memory made me reflect on how valuable these experiences are and led me to research the topic.
The Problem with things
This reflection led me to investigate happiness, finding answers among scientific articles and psychology books. If you're curious, I highly recommend "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt, it's a great find.
After reading, the conclusion I reached was clear: if you seek happiness in having more things, you're looking in the wrong place. However, this misguided pursuit is extremely common. Constantly acquiring new products has become an almost instinctive act. I often notice how the adjective "new" is used as a lure in advertising because it automatically associates "new" with "better" or "superior".
The obsession and pleasure of having the latest on the market is "neophilia". Neophiles are constantly seeking gratification in the new, quickly becoming bored with the constant and familiar (Booker, 1970). Have you ever felt a strong sense of gratification when buying something you desired only to lose all excitement days later? That loss of excitement is called hedonic adaptation (Brickman and Campbell, 1971), and it's what makes seeking happiness in material things a very bad idea. Over time, the excitement for novelty fades, we adapt to that change until our well-being returns to its original point.
Spend your time living experiences
Experiences provide a more lasting satisfaction than the acquisition of material objects. Why? Well, although having objects we desire can give us a temporary boost of well-being, the feeling is fleeting because the object is already ours, and we suffer from the hedonic adaptation I mentioned. On the other hand, experiences like traveling or going to concerts are not easy to repeat; you won't travel to that beautiful place every day, nor will you see your favorite band live regularly. There's no time to adapt to the stimulus. That's the big difference.
Isn't money the key? Well, no, money isn't a goal but a means of the many there are to be happier. Once we have food, health, and a roof over our heads, money becomes less and less influential in our well-being (Maslow, 1943). It's also curious how happiness is an ironic process; the more you think about being happy, the more reasons you find to stop being happy (Wegner et al., 1993); it's when you stop worrying about whether you're happy that you begin to enjoy life.
The Yacht Example
Finally, I wanted to tell you a funny example my friends and I joke about that illustrates what we've discussed. We call it "my friend with the yacht". If you want a yacht, what you need to do isn't to buy one but to befriend someone who has one, so you can enjoy the experience without having to buy it. You'll save yourself trouble, expenses, and you'll be happier than your friend who bought it.
Try to think about the money you spend on leisure, on possible plans or dreams you haven't experienced yet and would like to fulfill; you might surprise yourself.
📚 References
Booker, C. (1970). The Neophiliacs.
Brickman, P., & Campbell, D.T. (1971). Hedonic relativism and planning the good society.
Haidt, J. (2006). La hipótesis de la felicidad: la búsqueda de verdades modernas en la sabiduría antigua. Gedisa Editorial.
Mark Twain’s notebook. (2015, 11 febrero). Internet Archive. Publicado originalmente en 1935. https://archive.org/details/MarkTwainsNotebook/page/n317/mode/2up
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370-396. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0054346
Wegner, D. M., Erber, R., & Zanakos, S. (1993). Ironic processes in the mental control of mood and mood-related thought. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 65(6), 1093-1104. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.65.6.1093
I think art supplies, organizers for those supplies, and books are exempt. Maybe because they provide pleasant experiences and evoke possibilities… I don’t know, but even sitting in my studio gazing at them puts a smile on my face and gives me a feeling of serenity. Oh, and my F*** ring. Sterling silver block letters, situated on my left middle finger. It also makes me grin every time I see it, even after being on my finger for two years 🤘😸🖤.
excellent, mr. garcia. thanks for this. i like those words, neophile and hedonic adaptation. kool. i learned some of these insights to happiness you describe, early on. when i was a tween (1970, to be exact) i often spent time in a rolls royce. at first, even at that young age, i knew the rolls was flamboyant and it attracted attention. but i also remember the hedonic adaptation that crept in. i remember when the fun flamboyance began to wear off. i never forgot that realization. thanks again your insightful writing. keep going. j.