Do I really deserve it?

Lessons from an award I didn't think I deserved

🏷️ Categories: Motivation, Behavior, Life lessons.

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It had to be a mistake, it's not me...

A few months ago I received an unexpected call.

— Hello, are you Alvaro Garcia?

— Yes, it's me.

— Well, I'm calling to congratulate you. You have won the prize in the competition for the best scientific research paper in your category. The awards ceremony... blah, blah, blah.

My first reaction: “Must be a mistake”.

I sent in my nomination with no expectations. “Trying my luck is free,” I said to myself. Then I forgot all about it. I had no hope, my work wouldn't measure up. Now I was being told I was the winner. On the day of the ceremony, standing in front of the auditorium I still couldn't believe it. The lights, the cameras, the attention of all the people. The excitement...

“I shouldn't be here,” I thought.

I thanked for the award with a modest speech. The sound of applause filled the room. I saw their smiles. I invited some of my best teachers, those who had given me everything now saw that their effort was worth it. That the tree bore fruit.

On the way home I kept asking the same question.

“Do I really deserve it?”

That day I understood what imposter syndrome meant and had to overcome it.... It wasn't easy, it took time, but this is what I learned from the process.

Comparison

The biggest mistake we make is to measure ourselves against those who have already come a long way down the road. If you compare yourself to someone who has years ahead of you, it's obvious that you will feel inadequate. That you are not worthy or up to the task.

Comparisons are inevitable, I know, it's human. But there's a different way to do things: Compare yourself to your version of the past.

• Where were you 1 month ago?

• What about 6 months ago?

• And 1 year ago?

If you work hard on your goal, you'll be amazed at how far you've come and how little you've stopped to appreciate it. Progress between days is hard to see, between weeks is the same. Everything changes when you start to see your trajectory in months and years.

Start before you are ready

You are never ready enough.

If you wait until you feel fully prepared to take the next step, you never will, there will always be an excuse to convince yourself that you are not up to it. On the other hand, if you take action, you will see that self-confidence comes by itself.

It is paradoxical.

We don't act because we lack confidence, but we lack confidence because we don't act. Confidence does not come before action, but after.

I remember when I entered the contest. I did it without thinking too much. I didn't feel ready, but I submitted it anyway. And months later, when I got the news, I realized that if I had waited until I felt “ready,” I never would have submitted anything. The key is to take the plunge. To act without certainty. Only then do you discover that you were more capable than you thought.

No one knows everything

Many people believe that feeling like a fraud means they are unprepared.

The reality is that, because of the Dunning-Kruger effect, the more you know, the more aware you are of what you have yet to know. As Socrates would say, “I only know that I know nothing...” Even experts with decades of experience in their field are aware of how much they don't know. You don't need to know everything to be valuable.

What you do need is to be willing to know more every day.

When I started out, I didn't feel I was an expert in the field, in fact, I was stumbling from stumble to stumble, trying to understand the data I had collected myself. I had read a lot, done a lot of research, but I still felt that my work was nothing more than a simplistic pamphlet, nothing that could resemble a quality scientific study.

But that's when I understood the key: nothing is perfect, to approach perfection is already a feat.

As Asimov said, there are different degrees of success, it is not all black and white. The same goes for our self-demand: just because something can be improved does not mean it is worthless. On the contrary, you can be the best even if you know how much you still have to grow.

Write down your achievements

Prove your worth.

Write a list of your accomplishments, don't feel small, the reality is that you haven't begun to appreciate all that you have achieved so far. Think from your major accomplishments to small milestones. Make a list.

That's what I did after receiving the award.

I sat down with a notebook and wrote down every step I had taken to get there. The hours of study, the times I had to redo experiments, the moments of frustration I overcame, all the findings... In the end, it all led me to that stage.

If you doubt yourself, write down your achievements. You are no imposter, you deserve to be there.

Remember your path. It's the best way to silence the imposter in your head.

✍️ Your turn: Have you ever felt impostor syndrome?

💭 Quote of the day: “He seemed like another Thomas they were talking about, someone brave and strong who understood what needed to be done and had no doubts. He must have been another Thomas.” — Philip Reeve, Mortal Engines.

PS: In case you were wondering, my award-winning research was about a project to save water, fertilizer and reduce pollution in agriculture. The goal was to produce more food with fewer resources and thus be more sustainable.

See you next time! 👋